Well, here it is, nearly 7 months since my last post, and just a few short days until 2010. So many incredible and exciting changes have taken place over this half-year plus that I wasn’t even sure where to begin, or if I could even pick up where I left off, since I personally have grown and changed greatly in the time that has passed, and I have so many new ideas and directions that I want to take this blog.
I have also been feeling guilty for months for not writing, especially for those of you who have been following the Seven Decisions for Success…. But then it hit me: this is the perfect bridge into the Sixth Decision, and for finishing what I have started. When the decisions are finished, I can easily move into whatever direction I wish, since these decisions still influence me each and every day.
Why is this perfect, you may ask? Simple. The subject is forgiveness. For some, forgiveness is the easiest thing in the world, except, of course, when it comes to yourself. For others, forgiving oneself is a cinch, but forgiving others is absolutely unthinkable or perhaps harder than you would like it to be.
Whether we like it or not, we have been raised to react and behave in certain ways. We watched our parents, and saw their patterns of forgiveness, or lack thereof. Perhaps we were taught that behaving in certain ways was sinful and that we must beat ourselves up if we are not perfect. We have seen TV shows, movies and plays of people who could not forgive someone for something that maybe they did not even do.
My main point is, is that countless hours of energy are wasted in the lack of forgiving, ourselves or someone else. When we harbor this anger and resentment toward another or ourselves, we become a vessel for these bad feelings, and this takes up space that could be used to actually enjoy our present moment and the moments to come. And, since we get what we focus on, with all of this energy on these bad feelings, more bad things happen, then we get more things to be angry about, and thus the cycle continues.
However, we DO have a choice. I know. Although I feel fortunate to have grown up in a household where holding grudges was considered a waste of energy, it took me many years to learn to not beat myself up for things I did or said (particularly when I was in my 20s), simply because I held myself to very high standards. Not only did I feel I was being judged by others (which, in truth, I may or may not have been), I was harshly judging myself, and I didn’t even realize that although I was able to forgive others, I was not doing this kindness to myself.
However, as I grew and changed, I started to realize that it was a choice. I did not have to live this way. I could simply take a lesson from a mistake I had made, move on, and love myself in my imperfection; that, just as it is a waste of energy to harbor a resentment against another, the same goes for harboring a resentment against oneself. So, now, not only when I find myself angry at others am I able to love them and forgive them in their imperfection, and realize that their thoughts and opinions and actions do not affect me or my path unless I allow them to do so, the same goes for myself. It is very liberating, not to mention a very lovely and freeing way to live!
Perhaps you can relate or perhaps your experience is quite different. No matter where you are in terms of your relationship with forgiveness, the Sixth Decision for Success, from Andy Andrews’ The Traveler’s Gift (pp. 138-140), will positively affect you in your path. Remember that it takes at least 21 days to create a new habit or way of thinking, so, just as the book suggests, read the following passage each morning when you wake up, and each night before you go to bed for 21 days and nights, and see the changes that take place.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Sixth Decision for Success
I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit.
For too long, every ounce of forgiveness I owned was locked away, hidden from view, waiting for me to bestow its precious presence upon some worth person. Alas, I found most people to be singularly unworthy of my valuable forgiveness, and since they never asked for any, I kept it all for myself. Now the forgiveness that I hoarded has sprouted inside my heart like a crippled seed yielding bitter fruit.
No more! At this moment, my life has taken on new hope and assurance. Of all the world’s population, I am one of the few possessors of the secret to dissipating anger and resentment. I now understand that forgiveness has value only when it is given away. By the simple act of granting forgiveness, I release the demons of the past about which I can do nothing, and I create in myself a new heart, a new beginning.
I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive even those who do not ask for forgiveness.
Many are the times when I have seethed in anger at a word or deed thrown into my life by an unthinking or uncaring person. I have wasted valuable hours imagining revenge or confrontation. Now I see the truth revealed about this psychological rock inside my shoe. The rage I nurture is often one-sided, for my offender seldom gives thought to his offense!
I will now and forever more silently offer my forgiveness even to those who do not see that they need it. By the act of forgiving, I am no longer consumed by unproductive thoughts. I give up my bitterness. I am content in my soul and effective again with my fellow man.
I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive those who criticize me unjustly.
Knowing that slavery in any form is wrong, I also know that a person who lives a life according to the opinion of others is a slave. I am not a slave. I have chosen my counsel. I know the difference between right and wrong. I know what is best for the future of my family, and neither misguided opinion nor unjust criticism will alter my course.
Those who are critical of my goals and dreams simply do not understand the higher purpose to which I have been called. Therefore, their scorn does not affect my attitude or action. I forgive their lack of vision, and I forge ahead. I now know that criticism is part of the price paid for leaping past mediocrity.
I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive myself.
For many years my greatest enemy has been myself. Every mistake, every miscalculation, every stumble I made has been replayed again and again in my mind. Every broken promise, every day wasted, every goal not reached has compounded the disgust I feel for the lack of achievement in my life. My dismay has developed a paralyzing grip. When I disappoint myself, I respond with inaction and become more disappointed.
I realize today that it is impossible to fight an enemy living in my head. By forgiving myself, I erase the doubts, fears, and frustration that have kept my past in the present. From this day forward, my history will cease to control my destiny. I have forgiven myself. My life has just begun.
I will forgive even those who do not ask for forgiveness. I will forgive those who criticize me unjustly. I will forgive myself.
I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Just writing this for you all allows me to also let go of the fact that I haven’t written my blog for 7 months! It also shines a light on something I believe in whole-heartedly: that we can change our future beginning right now, in this very moment.
Forgiveness gives us is the power to stop bringing the past into the present, and the ability to create whatever fantastic future we wish to create. What’s past is past. We can take the lessons, forgive ourselves, forgive others, and move bravely forward into the beautiful present and future that is here before us…. What a perfect thought as we are about to ring in a truly amazing new year.
Until we meet again… Much Happiness and Love now and in the New Year to come!!
Becky Ringler
www.FreeYoursSuccessfulMindToday.com
